The Truth

So the cab pulls up to my apartment building. Time to go home. I reach to get my wallet to pay my fee. I hand my money to the driver and begin to open the door. At this time the driver raises a gun (which I later learn was a 7mm hang gun)  over his head and says, "No, no baby, you get back in or this goes off." 

Forgive me, there are blank spots in my memory and a time when I completely blacked out of it all. 


I sit back in my seat, trying to quietly find my phone and dial 911 but I couldn't find it. As I am doing this 2 other men are approaching the car. They lead down into the drivers window to talk but they are all talking in some king of different language, not english, not spanish. 


Then suddenly one of them gets in the back seat with me and one of them gets into the passenger seat with the driver. The driver hands the gun to the passenger and the passenger tosses it over to the man sitting far too close to me. I still can't figure out why I don't remember saying anything. Not one word. I was hyperventilating and crying but no words. 


The man now sharing the backseat with me has the gun pointed right at my left temple. I hear a click. I don't know if that means the bullet has loaded into the chamber or if he just locked it but I know a click means something. He asks if I am wearing any pants under my work clothes. I say yes. At this time the passanger gets out of the car and then gets back in the car, only this time he is also in the back seat. 


They trade off putting the gun near my ear and on my temple and under my chin. They make me put it inside my mouth. They ask if I ever want to see my family again. They ask if I have a father. I say yes. The ask if I thought my father would really care if he never saw me again. They asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no. They said, "Well after we get done with you no one will ever want you again, you know that honey?" 


They then took off my pants, all with the gun still being pointed and pressed up against different parts of my face and neck and head. 


Then....they took their turns. One holding me in a choke hold with the gun to my temple while the other forced himself on me. Then they switched. 


All the time talking about how I would never see my parents again. 


This is about the time I stop paying attention. I start praying. I am saying my last and final pleas to Jesus. Not that He would save me, but that it would be over quick. That I wouldn't look to disfigured when my family had to come identify my body. I prayed Morgan wouldn't hurt too badly.


I prayed that maybe Tyler really did know how much I loved him. 
I prayed that my mom would find that strength to survive this. 
I prayed that my dad would be the rock my family would need, but also let them heal him. 
I prayed that they would all forgive me.


I prayed that he would somehow know that in that moment, what I thought was my dying moment, I just wished he could have been the one holding me. 


And then I felt the shock of pavement as my head slammed into the curb, chipping my tooth.


They had dumped me. They let me go. I wasn't shot. I regain a little as I hear, "We'll be back! We know where you live and we like what you have" driving away down Amsterdam Ave. 


 After that is is a black blur. I know that someone found me stumbling around looking for my keys and was trying to get into an apartment that wasn't mine. She sat me down on the curb. It was then I realized that the cab must have been moving while everything was happening because we were not in front of my apartment building any longer. We were in front of Columbia hospital, in my neighborhood. 


The next thing I remember is being in an ambulance yelling at the drivers and those who were just trying to help me, that they couldn't touch me and that I wanted to go home and that they were breaking the law by touching me and forcing me to be there with them. 


Of course, I say nothing in the taxi, but for the people who try to help me I have plenty to say. First impression was not so great.  






After spending the next 29 hours in the hospital, full of r*** kits, texts, peeing in numerous cups, I finally was released. I walked home in the snow with one of my sweet friends Ashley who sacrificed her day to sit with me waiting till they would let me go home. 


I get home and my parents are there waiting for me and it is the most amazing feeling to see your family after you had just said goodbye to them forever. 


That first hug I got from my dad has me bawling right now.....The place I fit just under his chin on his shoulder. I though that place was gone for good. I had said goodbye to that place. But just like that, I had it back. 


This is ALOT I know, but this story needs to be told. All of these stories need to be told. There is no sense in the silent. If I fear then they win, that's true. But if I never speak of it again and hide it to myself forever, they will win forever. 




More to come...and I promise they won't be graphic like this. Just had to get this out and have no shame doing it 


xoxoxo KW