He's Not Finished With Me Yet

Well, to say that I am taken a back by the outpouring of love I have experience in the last 24 hours would be an understatement.

I just want to say thank you.

 The point of the previous post was not to seek attention to my self, plead for love from an ex-boyfriend (who I am not in love with anymore but care for deeply in the beautiful friendship we now have) , or cause any negative thoughts.

I just thought, and I stand by it, that I needed to stop being silent. It has been very hard to answer the question, "What brings you back to old Indiana after living the life of your dreams in New York City??!!", with out hesitation and a fake smile. My biggest fear in all this is telling people what happened and then burdening them with it. Like I have just verbally thrown up on them and they feel like they can't do anything about it.

I just was to start a period where my life is transparent. I want to live out loud. I want to be allowed to have bad days when I just can't do anything but get on my knees and cry to my Father. I want to be allowed to have amazing days worshiping our Lord. But when I screw up or something awful happens, I want that to also be apart of the transparency.

Thank you all for letting me do this. I think it is going to be an integral part in healing.

One of my sweet second Moms, Terrrrrsa David, shared a verse with me tonight that comforted me so much, and comforts me still.

Zephaniah 3:17 says, "For the Lord your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With His love, He will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs."

Another version she read me said, "He will quiet you with His love..." in my fears and my craziness, there is a peace that is found only in One. The One who will "quiet me with His love. He will calm all of my fears" "He is a MIGHTY SAVIOR."

It's a beautiful thing, really. I know that the evil of man created the situation that I was in, but I know God was watching. For a while I was so angry. If He was watching, why the H*** couldn't this God of the entire UNIVERSE stop this from happening??

I was skype-ing with my rock of a cousin/sister, Morgan, about three weeks after. It was the first time I had ever not told her anything so holding this back form her for was eating me alive. I finally told her and through the tears, on both ends, we started talking about God's role in this.

She kept repeating, "I am so glad you are here. I am so thankful to God for this. He saved you Katie. He DID intercede. He saved you. You are alive."

I don't think that even now, I am fulling grasping that. He did intercede. He did. Not in the way I may have wanted, not in MY plan, but He did. And He did NOT cause this, but man is he using it for HIS glory. I have never been closer to my Jesus in all my life. And trust me, this is not the way I saw my faith going. I was convinced that it was over. Jesus and I were breaking up and I was done.

But then things started to fall into place....slowly.

God is sovereign. God is just. God is peaceful. God is love. God is wrath. God is jealous. God is beauty. God is. And I have never believed more that I am where I am supposed to be. Good old Carmel, Indiana. Working with amazing kids every day. Praising Him with them and learning how to be a leader for Him. I am growing in more ways than one. And to fully transform from my self centered days, that lead me to a self seeking life in a big city to fulfill my plan, into a submissive, knees to the floor in prayer, true worshiper.

He is making beautiful things out of this. I trust that. He is not finished with me yet.